Winston and the Guru
When I became a devotee of Adi Da Samraj in 1985 I already knew He loved me and I already knew I loved Him. How this occurred is a Mystery, the Great Happiness of my life, and it was a complete surprise, to fall in love with a man, and not just that, but a man I had not met in the flesh or spoken with. In 1994 nine years later I first had personal contact with Him. He knew my name, He Spoke to me, He kissed me and hugged me. But if this had never happened, even if I had never had His Darshan face to face, I believe I would have felt a longing yes, but not a lack, not an insufficiency, not a sense that I did not have a personal direct relationship with Him, in any moment that I was willing to animate that relationship by turning my feeling attention to Him. In 1985 I was so happy to have found my Guru, to have fallen in love with this Incredible, Beautiful, Mysterious, Free Being. Everything He Gave me and Gives me since, feels like an extraordinary bonus.
Like many devotees of Adi Da have confessed, I was aware, am aware, that my relationship with Him and His relationship with me, is Mysteriously, and Joyfully, prior to time and space, not dependent on Him being physically alive in His bodily (human) Form. Equally Mysteriously the relationship depends on surrender to His bodily (human ) Form, His Spiritual Presence and His Very and Inherently Perfect State. Even though He no longer animates His physical body, surrender to His bodily (human) Form, is the practice.
Adi Da has said that it is important devotees know that He Loves them. He once Said that although He does not know all His devotees by name, or by their face, He Knows their hearts.
‘I Love you now
I will love you then.
I Loved you before.
That is How I Got to here.
Yes, you should tell all the Leelas of My Loving you. However, the Purpose of That was to get you to Love Me – not to command or demand my attention to you. The Purpose of That was for you to come to the point of practicing your love of Me, your conforming to Me.’
(Avatar Adi Da Samraj, copyright 2016 ASA)
In 1991 Adi Da undertook a legendary system of total body rejuvenation, originating in India, called kaya kalpa. The regimen required Him to be in almost entire blackness for forty days. Adi Da asked for audiotapes to listen to for the duration of this process as most of his usual activities were not possible in this situation. This would give him something he could do without interfering with the process. Susie Bagshawe and myself volunteered to take on this service. At that time we lived in the British ashram, in Norfolk.
I was ecstatic to do this service. It felt such a direct way to animate my devotional relationship to Adi Da, and I took on the service with gusto. I went to Norwich City library, selected audiotapes, which Susie copied, neatly labelled and sent to Adi Da Samrajashram. It was left up to us to decide what to select. I remember we sent amongst many other things, The Hitchikers’s Guide to The Galaxy, audiobooks of detective novels, the Goon shows and Dylan Thomas speaking His poetry. I found an audiotape of Winston Churchill’s war speeches and we sent that over.
Some weeks later we received a communication from Adi Da. He was very amused He Said that a British devotee had sent Him an audiotape of Winston Churchill’s wartime speeches. How did that devotee imagine, He Said, what was in his mind, that He should think that He (Adi Da) would enjoy lying on His back in the dark listening to Winston Churchill giving war speeches!
When I heard this communication, although Adi Da had not mentioned me by name, and although there was a criticism implied, I felt a Transmission of His Love directly from His Heart to mine. My heart broke feeling His Love, feeling the intimacy and mystery of my relationship to the God-Man and His relationship to me. To feel intimacy with His Divine Presence Avatar Adi Da Samraj is the best feeling I have ever had and could ever hope to have in this world or any world.
Many of you reading this may already know the Exquisite Sweetness of this devotional Intimacy with Him, which nothing else compares to. If you are reading this and have not yet felt this Love, this Unreasonable Happiness, the unparalleled Grace of His Gift of devotion to His Sublime Form, I hope very much that you will. When you taste that fragrance, even for a moment, the delicious aroma of His Love-Bliss Presence, then you may find yourself captured in love, caught up in love with Him, and in that Love Entanglement with His Divine Presence Avatar Adi Da Samraj, disentangled from ‘troubles’, from the ‘problem’ of your apparent self.
‘What will My devotee do but love Me? I suffer every form and condition of every one who loves Me, because I Love My devotee As My Own Form, My Own Condition. I Love My devotee As the One by Whom I Am Distracted
I Grant all My Own Divine and “Bright” Excesses to those who love Me, in exchange for all their doubts and sufferings. Those who “Bond” themselves to Me, through love-surrender, are inherently Free of fear and wanting need. They transcend the ego-“I” (the “cause” of all conditional “experience”), and they (“cause”, and all, and All) Dissolve in Me—for I Am the Heart of all-and-All, and I Am the Heart Itself, and the Heart Itself is the “causeless”, and egoless, and Perfectly Only Reality, Truth, and Real God of all-and-All’
(Avatar Adi Da Samraj, copyright 2016 ASA)