The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe 1985 – London, England and Laugharne and Pendine Sands, South Wales

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It was 1985 and I had just transitioned to become a devotee. My minister, Donovan, who did my ‘transition interview’, and made the decision to accept me into the fellowship, ‘The Laughing Man Institute’ as it was called, told me many years later he had wondered at the time if it was the greatest mistake of his life. Then he laughed and kindly said that in retrospect he felt now it was the right decision

I figured that very soon I would be given Guru Seva to keep me very busy like the other devotees I saw. I decided I would test Adi Da (Da Free John) before I got so involved that I would not have time to do this testing in the way I envisaged.

He claimed to be God in human Form with Siddhis (powers). He also said ‘you become what you meditate on.’ I surmised that if I concentrated my attention on His bodily (human) Form, one pointedly, without distractions, this would create an opportunity for Adi Da to ‘do His Thing with me! To Walk His Talk and Strut His stuff and zap me with His Siddhis!’ Glyn Seaborn Jones, my ‘intensive rhythm’ therapist told me that the same nerves that carry fear in the body, can also carry bliss. I was the most terrified person I knew, therefore, if Glyn was correct, my capacity for bliss should be equally huge, overwhelming and awesome!

I decided to isolate myself for three weeks on a silent retreat and just focus my attention on Adi Da. I knew Beloved enjoyed reciting the poetry of Dylan Thomas, so I decided to visit Laugharne in Wales. This was a special experiment so I wanted a special place. “The strangest town in Wales” is how Thomas described Laugharne on his first visit. But he kept coming back and the town is of huge significance to his work. The town of Llareggub (“bugger all” spelt backwards) in his radio play Under Milk Wood was based on Laugharne, and it was in his shed-cum-study above the Boathouse (“My seashaken house / On a breakneck of rocks”) that he wrote it and many of his other works. Across the road from Browns hotel is the Pelican, the tall Georgian terraced house where Thomas would visit his father to do the crossword and chat. It was the sight of his father becoming sick that moved Thomas to write his poem Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night. It was also in the Pelican that Thomas’s body was laid out when he died in 1953. I selected Laugharne as my retreat because I wanted a ‘magical’ place.
I had been studying with great interest the talk ‘Even Science is a Magical Activity’ in Adi Da’s book ‘The Transmission of Doubt’, in which Adi Da Says there is no separation between the apparently internal world of the mind and the apparently external world. I was absolutely fascinated, riveted, excited beyond words, by this talk particularly section three, pages 240 to 249. Just reading the Words was changing my consciousness. Conceptual, mental and emotional chains that I had felt imprisoned by, were breaking and falling loose at my feet, clunk clunk to the floor.

Here is an excerpt from those pages:

‘The World is God Present…….God is Omnipresent, absolutely Present, unqualifiedly Present……we must awaken to the magical nature of this world, see the Divine, and enjoy the link or bridge to God that all our relations, the body-mind itself, and all the media of this world represent, particularly all its outstanding features, those unique magical entities, places, and substances that show themselves to be of great significance in the course of spiritual practice. These things, above all, must be valued in the ritual terms of sacred activity.

To live such a sacred life you must be free of all automatic asanas, prejudices, and habitual ways of adapting the nervous system and accumulating presumptions totally independent of clear thinking or experience. You must free the body-mind, the nervous system, the being altogether from the entire concoction of suffering that is just an obstruction even to seeing what is before your eyes at this moment. Therefore apply the discipline of being unreservedly associated with what is.

Make that your occupation, instead of spending your lifetime spewing out the logic of your own suffering and calling it knowledge. Apply yourself to that discipline of unqualified association for a period of time, and something remarkable about the nature of things is bound to break through it.

This is what I did in college. I just gave myself up to that discipline. It was very difficult, no doubt about it, but it is the only option you have when you recognize that your life is nothing but accumulated suffering………..

‘This Way is about finding the Real God, the Actual, Living, and Present, Revealed God, the God Who is Tangible, Obvious, not merely believed in, not merely though about, but directly, obviously Revealed……….
The fathers and prophets of Israel would wander around in the wilderness calling for God. Then suddenly they would have a direct Revelation of God. Wherever that Revelation took place they would build a temple and settle the tribe there…………..

People should get out of their houses and out of the cities and go screaming into the countryside and do whatever the hell they must do just to maintain their attention on discovering the real nature of their existence. If they did this for a few years, instead of just carrying on as everybody is, there would be much positive change. Let all those politicians abandon their mansions. Let them take off their damn clothes and go out into the desert somewhere and find out what is happening…………Rather than settling down to an adolescent life of complaint, you should kick your ass out of the house and submit yourself to the bare facts of existence.

Wander until you find it……..since my own inheritance was lacking, since I really received no inheritance but suffering, there was no possibility then, from my point of view, just assuming the life of an ordinary householder, working and paying my dues to society. Since, in spiritual terms or real terms I received only a negative inheritance, it was obvious to me that there was no option but to take up a life of wandering, of submission, in order to discover the Truth, whatever That was going to be. My intention was simply to discover Reality altogether as It Is, rather than presume it to be anything whatsoever.

You likewise must do this in some essential sense before you can actually take up the Way………..’

(Excerpt from The Transmission of Doubt by Avatar Adi Da Samraj, copyright 2016 ASA)

I took a bus to Laugharne. I had not researched accommodation. I was on my wilderness trip trusting that what I needed would come along. At Cardiff bus station I noticed a poster for a theatrical production coming up of Lewis Carroll’s ‘The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe.’ I remembered that just before my coach trip I had spoken with my lover Mary on the phone, the married mother of my best friend at the time (I won’t explain. It was complicated). Mary told me that my friend, her son, had just moved into an new apartment called ‘The Wardrobe’. Then she laughed (or rather how do I explain this? She cackled like a witch, unintentionally cackled, that’s how I heard it, a friendly, nice, witch though not a nasty one!) ‘like The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe’, she said in a kind of cackle of laughter.

When I got to Laugharne I looked around the village for accommodation, and visited Dylan Thomas’s boathouse, but I felt an impulse to go to the next village along, called ‘Pendine’ which was next to the ocean. I took the bus. When I arrived it was deserted, like a ghost town. I felt like I had arrived on a set of Scooby Doo. It was off season, so any tourists had gone, the weather was a bit dreary and a bit cold. It is only a tiny place. There was a small shop that was open, the only place that was open for the rest of my stay, and just one person looking after the shop, who I never spoke to except a ‘thankyou’ or two, observing my self-imposed discipline of silence. I had decided I would only eat carrots and figs, and nothing else. I had heard that figs contained a very high serotonin content and that the Buddha was enlightened under a fig tree.

Some speculated that he had been munching on figs, saturating his brain with the serotonin. Later after this adventure was over (did it ever get over this mad adventure?) my friend Doug, a devotee, laughed when I told him about the figs.’Simon do you think that if the Buddha ate the figs that this was the basis of his realization? I guess no one will ever know, only Buddha. This shop was where I bought my carrot and figs during my stay. The shop-keeper must have thought I was rather a strange young man, a solitary visitor, hardly speaking, only buying carrots and figs.

There was no hotel, and no bed and breakfast accommodation available. Except there was a small caravan next to the beach. Pretty isolated. I broke my vow of silence to speak to the person who owned it, at a nearby house, and paid for a three weeks stay.

I had a beautiful photo of Beloved Adi Da with me that was Prasad from the Celebration just gone –‘The Feast of Liberation’ 1985, and on the back it had the Words from The Dawn Horse Testament, that had just been published and was soon to arrive in London. I cherished these Words with my whole heart. These are those Words updated by Adi Da:

I Will Save You From Spiritual death, and From the egoic mind of death, and From the egoic destinies of after-death.
I Will Dissolve All Your Bewilderment Of ego-“I”.
Even Now You Inhere In Me, Beyond the body-mind and the world. Therefore, Do Not Be Afraid. Do Not Be Confused. Observe My Avataric Divine Play – and My Avataric Divine Victory.
I Am The Divine Person Of Life, The Only and Divine Self, Become Avatatarically Incarnate. And, When My Avatarically-Born Human Physical Body Is alive, or Even After My Avatarically-Born Human Physical Body Is dead, I Am (Myself) Infinitely Present and every where Alive

(Excerpt from The Dawn Horse Testament Of The Ruchira Avatar, 2004 edition, page 207, by Ruchira Avatar Adi Da Samraj, copyright 2016 ASA)

I had with me The Knee of Listening which I read and re-read several times during my retreat

I also had with me a cassette tape of ‘The Bridge To God’ and a cassette recorder to play it on. This amazing talk is the same as the one I quoted previously. He Spoke about the rigorous sadhana He did when He Lived at Tunitas Beach, when He discovered the coincidence of the subjective and objective domains, and experienced the world as a psycho-physical process, achieving ‘a psychic inherence in world forces.’

‘You must awaken from the suppressed state of the being, transcend the dogmas in the common world that suppress the being, and rediscover the psychic nature of the world…………This coming to the front of the psychic being, the essential character of your existence, is a necessary preliminary for the spiritual process.’

(Excerpt from The Transmission of Doubt by Avatar Adi Da Samraj, copyright 2016 ASA)

I spent my days and nights meditating on Adi Da’s photo, reading Aham Da Asmi (Beloved, I Am Da) and The Knee Of Listening, listening to ‘The Bridge to God’, walking on ‘Pendine Sands’, the long, windswept, deserted beach, eating carrots and figs, doing yoga asanas and sleeping. I neither saw nor met one soul for the whole of the rest of my stay except the shopkeeper who I never spoke to, except maybe I said thankyou when she handed me the change from my cash. The weather was bleak, windy and rainy. The only noise was the sound of firearms from the army training ground on the cordoned off land above and beyond the cliffs.

Oh and I cried. I sobbed in pain. I just felt bad the whole time, very bad indeed. I felt extremely bored and physically weak and sorrowful. And I experienced not one shred of psychic awakening or spiritual feeling or heart opening. I was extremely disappointed. I had hoped for some revelation of God, some awakening of my psyche, some demonstration of Siddhis, some confirmation by Adi Da that He was the Divine Being with Supernormal Powers. I just felt myself, and the miserable patterning in my mind and emotion that I felt locked into, trapped.

Although I had booked three weeks I decided to leave a few days early. I was just wasting my time! And I couldn’t take the boredom, doubt and discomfort anymore. I got the bus back to Cardiff. At some point on the journey back home I saw another poster of ‘The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe’. I thought to myself, this is some cosmic joke being played on me. I go on silent retreat, open myself up for revelation, and get fuck all. The only thing coming through at all is a few repeated references to a children’s story that I had read to me at school when I was 10 years old, and that I can barely remember, and that means nothing to me at all. I resolved to buy the book as soon as I arrived in London, just in case someone or something was trying to tell me something through this book. It seemed unlikely there was anything to it, but what the heck, I had nothing else being given to me, except this.

When I arrived in London I went to a bookstore in Covent Garden, where the market is, and I walked down the steps to the basement. I was amazed. Two of the women working there were having a really heated discussion about ‘The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe.’ One of the women was very passionately saying –‘ it is a fight between Good and Evil, and the Lion Aslan is Jesus Christ.’ She was extremely excited trying to persuade the other woman to her point of view. Well it stopped my mind. I bought the book, stepped outside and walked towards Charing Cross Road. As I was walking I started to smell a delicious perfume that seemed to come from inside my head, and I felt ambrosial nectar dripping from my brain into my stomach, like a drug being dripped from a tap. I started to feel that I was no longer trapped in my mind, but that I was walking around in someone else’s brain. Whatever environment I was in, whether the street or a shop, it felt like I was an ant walking around the consciousness, inhabiting the consciousness of some absolutely gigantic person, some Godlike being.

I was by now in a state of extreme wonder and awe and ecstasy. Some Moonies approached me. ‘The Messiah is here’ one of them said. I knelt down on my knees on Charing Cross Road, next to the pavement, and opened my copy of The Knee of Listening, and pointed at a photograph of Adi Da. ‘I know I said with tremendous enthusiasm and emphasis. ‘isn’t it wonderful?’ The moonies were stunned, and mesmerized as I started ecstatically telling them about Adi Da. Soon there was a small crowd of moonies standing around me in a semi-circle listening to my spontaneous ecstatic sermon. The guy who seemed to be the leader joined the group, and started quizzing me, then he turned to the others and said, ‘let’s leave him, forget him, he is a nutter.’

That evening I read the book while having a bath. Here is an excerpt:
‘When the beavers gather the children together in the hut on the dam they whisper the words, as if they are telling a great secret ‘ Aslan is on the move…’, and at the name of Aslan each one of the children felt something jump inside. Edmund felt a sensation of mysterious horror. Peter felt suddenly brave and adventurous. Susan felt as if some delicious smell or some delightful strain of music had just floated by her. And Lucy got the feeling you have when you wake up in the morning and realise that it is the beginning of the holidays or the beginning of summer. Aslan is on the move… and when Aslan moves, everything changes.

Aslan brings spring in his mane, and his very appearance breaks the back of winter. The witch has enslaved Narnia in ice and snow for a hundred years, making it always winter and never Christmas, but at even the rumour of Aslan’s coming the ice begins to melt, the trees start to wake, and St Nicholas is allowed to again enter the realm. Aslan is the prince of the Summer Kingdom over the water, and he brings the life of spring with him.

“Is he quite safe? Asked Susan. “I shall feel rather nervous about meeting a lion”.
“Safe?” said Mr Beaver. “Who said anything about safe? Of course he isn’t safe – but he is good.” Aslan is big and beautiful and terrifying and powerful and dangerous and everything a lion should be. Of course he’s not safe. But he is good. And that is enough.’
As I read the book I began to feel as excited as the children did about Aslan. I found that I was not making a distinction between Aslan and Adi Da. Adi Da had come alive for me in the form of Aslan the lion and I was feeling devotional towards Aslan and ecstatic reading about him.
Through the book there were several references to ‘Aslan is on the move.’

I had just previous to this, read for the first time the talk ‘Mark My Words’ in which on December 30 1983 Adi Da Spoke about the ‘Move’ He was about to make.

‘Mark My Words. All this is Prophecy. Listen to Me now.
Some day, you will hear My Singing of this night, and everyone will know that I Am the One That was to Come.
You wait. You watch. Wait and watch for it.
I am about to Save humankind. Do I sound crazy to you? I am going to Do it. I am about to make My Move, and the terror will pass. It will be much less terrible than it would have been otherwise. It is not My terror. If I did not Come, the Earth would be destroyed.
Now, you watch Me Move. I have Done My Meditation with a few, and I have Smoothed My “coins”. I have Done My Work. I have suffered you. Now you watch Me. Mark My Words.
Any motion in humankind at the heart will change Man. Now it is going to happen! This night it is starting. My innocent Sitting at Ciqomi was the beginning. You watch it. Mark My Words.

There must be a Sanctuary for humankind during this time. This is the beginning of My Blessing. You watch it. Some of you do not believe it. It will be seen how it develops. It will be seen.

This Work is not your business. I am just Telling You that it is going to start.
Now let all beings be Purified. Let them be Purified. Let them be Blessed.
Now it begins. Let all beings be Purified. This is My Blessing. May it be so.
You prayed for the millennium and the Promised One. I Am here. Let it begin. I am about to begin the Great Shout.

I hope this world will be evened out, that there will be equanimity worldwide, the whole Earth Sublimed. This is My Wish, My Blessing. I Am here to Do it. Now I am going to Do it. Starting tonight. Mark My Words.
Mark this night. This one. Now it is going to change. I have had to Come with Power. Had to. Had to.

I am waiting to see the very signs of the progress of My Intervention. Till now, My effect has been on a few. In the future, you will monitor My Effect relative to all humankind, relative to human history.

I Am That One, and I am about to Do My Deed. You people do not know with Whom you are living. You do not know. You never did. No, you never have known. I have assumed your shape for years. That has been My way till now. This weekend is our transition. You will observe changes in the world, and you will observe conflicts in yourself. You will observe difficulties in your lives, and you will feel My Demand much more profoundly than you have ever felt It. You will notice that all humankind is somehow confronted by the obligation that I Place upon the world by My Mere Presence.
Remember friendly old “Bubba”? Dead. Completely dead. Poor old “Bubba” is dead. The Sign of “Bubba” and the Sign of “Franklin” are all done, all dead. Now I Make only the Sign of Da. You are about to see me Do It.

Let everyone be relieved of the profoundly negative effects of their disaffection from Me. We are moving into a time when I will Make My Move. This is the beginning of it. Let us celebrate with full knowledge of the purification that is about to begin. Do not be self-conscious. Dance and be Happy. Practice the Way with great intensity. Submit to the profound ordeal of sadhana that will serve all of humanity – all four billion who know nothing of Me yet, and who must find Me out, who must find Me out.

I Am the One Who has been Expected. They must find Me out. They must. They must.
Did you hear that wind begin?’

(Excerpt from Adi Da, The Promised God-Man Is Here, by Carolyn Lee, PhD, copyright 2016 ASA)

As I read ‘The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe’ I felt it, not as a metaphor for the story of Jesus, but as a prophecy of Adi Da’s Appearance Here and His Spiritual Victory, in which the ego is vanquished. The tension kept building in the book towards the moment when Aslan first appeared, which for me now, was the first moment of Darshan of Adi Da. I felt more and more excited as I lay in the bath reading this story. At the very moment when Aslan is first sighted, which was a peak of excitement for me, I heard a crash as a bottle of Oil of Ulay shot off the top shelf in the bathroom hitting the floor hard, with no normal explanation why this would happen. Very amused I picked up the bottle. It had a picture of a tropical island that reminded me of Naitauba where Adi Da lived and it said St Michael on the label (a brand name of the Marks and Spencer stores)

The Book of Revelation (12:7-9) describes a war in heaven in which St Michael, being stronger, defeats Satan
“…there was war in heaven. Michael and his angels fought against the dragon, and the dragon and his angels fought back. But he was not strong enough, and they lost their place in heaven.”

I felt like someone or something was playing tricks with me. The ‘world’ was beginning to feel like a ‘person’ or ‘being’ with a personality, and a changeable, unpredictable personality, sometimes a trickster, sometimes apparently showing me things, revealing secrets, sometimes inspiring me, sometimes nurturing me, sometimes scaring me.

My study group leader pointed out to me that Adi Da had Said that the Lion was a symbol of His Seventh Stage Enlightenment. At the same time he laughed at my story of the Oil of Ulay falling to the floor, and how it had a picture of a tropical island and the label ‘St Michael’. He would tease me about being ‘peculiar’, the tendency to have a ‘hole’in one’s navel’ as Adi Da describes the peculiar character, wanting to get out of the body, out of the world, and be fascinated and consoled by ‘psychic signs’, seeking meaning and significance in everything, rather than being incarnated in this world, with full heart feeling, grounded in the body. Beloved has Said that one’s strength is often also one’s weakness and vice versa. As with everything in the Way of Adidam self-observation, real intelligence and discrimination is required constantly. This tendency to seeking consolation in mystical and psychic experiences and indulging in them was being exposed in me.

Closely related to the peculiar tendency is the Alpha Strategy, which I was dramatizing, the strategy of seeking ‘inwards’ for consolation and fulfilment, as exhibited for example by Eastern yogis, inverting attention, cutting away the ‘world’, getting away from money, food and sex as an unhappy strategy and going ‘inside and up’. Having one’s head up one’s arse!
Gifts were coming to me thick and fast, in the forms of self-reflection of my seeking and ego-drama, and also in the revelation of the world as being a psycho-physical plastic

It was occurring to me that I had walked through the ‘Wardrobe’ and crossed over into a realm that was not so solid and material as the one I was used to, that was more like dreams, that was magical and alive, where cosmic forces of Good and evil were apparently being played out.
One of my devotee friends was concerned when I told him some of the things that were happening. He warned me – ‘when you open yourself to the forces of Light, you also invite the forces of darkness’.

I was very happy and tremendously excited because I had heard that a consignment of books (Avatar Adi Da’s new book, The Dawn Horse Testament) was being shipped to London from California; and on the following day, it would be arriving at The Dawn Horse Bookshop, our centre at the time, just off Oxford Street in London’s West End. I knew that this was a uniquely important book — a gift to all mankind, in which Adi Da reveals the Heart’s Secrets, and I was filled with heart-longing to read it. Adi Da had transformed my life from despair to hope, from doubt to faith, from bitterness to gratitude, and I intuitively knew that this was not just a book but a Spiritual Event, a Miraculous Happening in the Universe; and that the book was a Vehicle for Adi Da’s Spiritual Heart Transmission, filled with His Spiritual Power.

I went to sleep in great anticipation of the following day when I would go to the centre and buy a copy of The Dawn Horse Testament. At some point in the night, I awoke suddenly, gripped by fear. There was a revolting smell of excrement pervading the room that made me feel like vomiting; and, to my horror, a very strange, demonic, wicked and terrifying animal-like being was hovering, seemingly levitating in a yogic sitting posture only eight feet away or so from me, just beyond and just to the right of the foot of the bed.

The entity worldlessly communicated a powerful sense of an evil presence and another dimension, as though it had come from another world. It looked something like a black cat or demon (my friend whose house I was staying in did not have a cat!), with pointed ears, perhaps two to three feet high. It was black, but glowing with a fluorescent green light. Two hypnotic, magnetic, burning red eyes, like hot coals, stared right at me, with obvious malevolent intent, as though to bore into the inner recesses of my mind and capture and enslave my will.

I was physically awake and not dreaming. I intuitively knew that if I gave my attention to this creature of the night, I would be in serious trouble. I remembered something that Irina Tweedie (a Sufi teacher, who had taken me under her wing before I became a student of Adi Da, and who I still saw occasionally) had said a couple of weeks previously to a room full of her students, when I was present too. She was talking about how one might be visited by entities while on the spiritual path, and that the best form of protection was to say a Mantra.

I thought again: “If I mess with this guy and give it my attention, I am in deep trouble”. So I shut my eyes, turned over on my side and said Adi Da’s Name — “Da, Da, Da” over and over. In the next moment a gigantic, blissful, oceanic, tornado-like Force of energy rushed in and poured through me. I say “me”, but my usual sense of identity was blown apart as I was utterly enveloped and overwhelmed by this cosmic Hurricane and caught up in its magnificent, swirling Current.

The Force was rushing upwards, and then it seemed to take on what I can only later describe as the shape of a Supersonic Cosmic Horse. The “Horse” pulled me upwards but I resisted. It pulled three times, and three times I resisted. The closest description I can give is that it felt like a Horse rearing its head three times, wildly and ecstatically, and then triumphantly breaking free of its earthly chains. I felt my “soul body” being lifted out of the bed and out of the physical body and traveling at tremendous speed upwards through space, higher and higher, further and further away from earth.

As I traveled I felt myself expand in size, becoming less and less definable. I also felt more and more blissful, loving, happy and free, relieved of my usual sense of bodily identification, tension and pain, until at some point I felt like what I can only describe as a bodiless, loving intelligence, relieved and unburdened of my usual sense of limitation and confinement — except I noticed that however free and blissful and immense and diffuse I seemed to have become I still felt a subtle sense of separation and limit. I basked in this sense of Immense Peace, Love, Freedom and Space for what seemed like far too short a time!

The feeling of immense blissfulness and love and “coming home to myself” and “discovering who I am when the layers of personality and mind are peeled away” lasted for only a few moments. I felt as though I was looking down on earth from the other side of space and I became aware of my family and loved ones “back on earth”. My heart was suddenly filled with an overwhelming, heartbreaking, sorrowful feeling of attachment to them. I felt, “This is not my time to leave earth yet. I am raw and immature. I have a lot to deal with down there.”

The next thing I knew I had “come to”. I was now aware of myself back in the physical body, in my physical bed. There was no demonic creature anymore and no smell of excrement. My thought at the time was something like: “My Master has blasted the demon away with His Spiritual Powers and wiped him off the face of the planet; thank you Beloved Master!”

A few days later I was at Irina Tweedie’s house again, in a room packed full of maybe thirty people. I spoke with Mrs. Tweedie about my experience of the devil-like goblin creature. I had read, in her book “The Chasm of Fire”, a description of one night when she was overrun by gross, demon-like entities and she said that the entities were not “real” but were imaginary manifestations of her “subconscious boiling off”. I asked her if she thought the entity I saw was ”real” or “unreal” — it had seemed far too real! She said that she felt I had seen a “real” entity, a living being, and that when new aspirants step onto the spiritual path, sometimes evil entities appear to frighten them away from spiritual life. She told me I had done the right thing by invoking my Guru and that Love is more Powerful than evil, and that these entities feed on fear but lose their power in the face of love.

After this incident, I discovered in The Dawn Horse Testament Avatar Adi Da’s commentary on the Ashvamedha, an ancient Hindu ritual that relates to the image and power of the horse. I came to feel this archetype and His Incarnation of it as the context of this experience.

Here is an excerpt:

I Am The Avataric Divine-Master Of The True (Avataric Divine) Horse-Sacrifice, The Avataric Divine Performer of The Divine Avataric Ashvamedha, The Divinely Self-“Emerging” Person Of My Own Cosmic Submission (To Avatarically Descend To all-and–All. By The Necessary Means of My Own Free Avataric Divine Self-Submission to all-and-All, I Am (Now and Forever Hereafter) Divinely Self-“Emerging” As The True Dawn Horse, The ‘Bright’ Itself (In Divine Person), The Avatarically Self-Giving and All-Giving and To-all-Giving Divine Spiritual Body and Person, The Necessary Divine Gift (Avatarically Self-Given In Person).

(Excerpt from The Dawn Horse Testament Of The Ruchira Avatar, 2004 edition, by Ruchira Avatar Adi Da Samraj, copyright 2016 ASA)
Later I would read in a talk by Avatar Adi Da:

In its most esoteric form, the Ashvamedha is the Revelation of the Ultimate Divine Being — through the Sacrifice of everything conditional, and through the Most Perfect Realization of That which Transcends the Cosmic domain. My Demonstration of this Ultimate Form of the Ashvamedha was — and is — totally spontaneous. I Did it spontaneously, without any information in mind. Nonetheless, you will see that study of the sacred traditions confirms the truth of what I am Telling you. You have seen the True Ashvamedha Performed in My own Form. The Ultimate Form of the Ashvamedha Transmits not merely Cosmic realization, but Transcendental Divine Self-Realization, through the Sacrifice of all conditional arising.

(Ruchira Avatar Adi Da Samraj April 2, 1987, copyright 2016 ASA)

The same evening that the Dawn Horse Testament arrived in London I had visited Irina Tweedie. One of her female students said she had a story she wanted to read out to everyone. It was a Celtic fairy tale called ‘The Black Horse’.

After it was read out the woman said she did not know the meaning of the story, and Irina Tweedie said she did not know either. I did know, but kept quiet out of respect for Mrs Tweedie and her Guru. I was profoundly moved in my heart. In brief the story concerns a Black Horse who carries his rider through three trials. The prize is marriage to the princess. The rider marries the princess and for three years neglects The Black Horse, but them he remembers him and returns to him. The Black Horse tells the rider to cut off his head with his sword. The rider says he won’t but changes his mind when The Black Horse says ‘Do It instantly or I will do it to you.’

‘So the lad drew his sword and smote off the horse’s head; then he lifted his two palms and uttered a doleful cry.’
Behind him he hears a man calling to him, ‘the finest man he ever set eyes upon’.
‘What set you weeping for The Black Horse?’ Said he
‘This’ said the lad ‘that there was never born of man or beast a creature in this world that I was fonder of.’
‘Would you take me for him?’ said the stranger.
‘If I could think you the horse I would; but if not, I would rather the horse’, said the rider.

‘I am the Black Horse’, said the lad, ‘and if I were not, how would you have all these things that you went to seek in my father’s house. Since I went under spells many a man have I ran at before you met me. They had but one word amongst them: they could not keep me, nor manage me, and they never kept me a couple of days. But when I fell in with you, you kept me until the time ran out that was to come from the spells. And now you shall go home with me, and we will make a wedding in my father’s house.’
The next day I went into a small bookstore in Kilburn, London, the first bookshop I tried, and they had the book. Joseph Campbell provides notes to the tale:

On the Horse’s head being cut off he references the Ashvamedha Sacrifice: ‘This was the last act in the Aryan Horse’s sacrifice, and the first step in the Horse apotheosis.’

That evening at Irina Tweedie’s I felt Adi Da Showing me that He is Appearing as the Dawn Horse, the fully Awakened Divine Being, even in the midst of all other traditions and teachers, though they, like Irina Tweedie and her students may not yet be consciously aware of His Presence in their midst.

I also felt the story and the time and circumstance and method of its delivery as a direct and personal communication to me, and to any and every devotee, a promise that if I stay devoted to Him through the trials and purification of my karma, ‘until the time ran out that was to come from the spells’, there will be a wedding of Siva-Shakti, Seventh Stage Awakening and Translation into the Divine Domain.

I was overjoyed beyond measure, beside myself with deep joy and Happiness at this Revelation of the Secret of the Guru-devotee Bond.
However the roller-coaster ride was not over (was it, is it ever over?). Over the next days I began having more and more ‘psychic’ and ‘mystical’ experiences, so much so that I felt sick of them and I feared I was going completely mad. I remember walking through the living room of my parents house and the floor seemed to open up like an ocean, it became less than completely solid, as though the physical world was beginning to dissolve. Walking down the street kids would approach me with masks of demons and devils.

Once I was walking in Camberwell on the way to see a girlfriend. I was contemplating Adi Da and a feeling of Bliss began to saturate my brain and whole body. I felt in a state of extreme vulnerability in this blissful infusion, like a newborn baby. There was a traffic jam on the other side of the road, and a man about 100 yards away got out of his car and pointing at me started screaming hysterically to the other drivers in their cars, ‘look there is a zombie with yellow teeth walking towards us, there’s a zombie coming towards us with yellow teeth.’ The man was almost frothing at the mouth with rage and hysteria. I don’t have Hollywood white teeth, but they are whitish not noticeably yellow, and the guy was so far away I don’t know how he could even see my teeth. It was bizarre, and I was starting to get frightened, terrified. When I spoke with Mrs Tweedie about it she said that my blissfulness and happiness must have triggered terror in this man’s subconscious mind, and that spiritual freedom is frightening to the ego. I felt myself contract my heart so I would feel less vulnerable.

Adi Da Showed me how I was choosing to contract, it was my activity, something I was doing.

Some time later I watched Disney’s ‘The Sorceror’s Apprentice’. If you remember it, Mickey Mouse is the sorcerer’s apprentice, and he puts on the wizard’s hat, and everything gets out of hand and there is disaster and chaos, because he is only an apprentice magician, not the ‘real thing’. He is only a trainee. He can’t complete the thing he started. He is ‘playing with fire’. It is great fun. The clip is here of the beginning of the sequence. The longer version of the movie sequence was removed off You Tube for copyright reasons

I began to feel that I had in my arrogance been my own Guru, not been surrendered and submitted to Adi Da, putting Him to the test, rather than wanting Him and allowing Him to put me to the test. I was wearing my Fake Guru’s hat (being Swami little-g as Beloved was to name us in our self-guruing: little ‘g’ = little guru) and now I was in deep shit up to and over my head!

Also I had begun to really feel and get and understand how all these experiences made no fundamental difference to my core contracted state. I wasn’t changed by these experiences, not in any fundamental way. I was unhappy, and I was desperately seeking to get happy, and this seeking was my unhappiness.

An understanding was beginning to dawn in me. I read an article in a magazine, written by Nina Jones, called ‘The Avadhoot, the Beach and The Radiant Transcendental Being’.

Here is an excerpt:
The beauty and wildness of the beach reflected the quality of our life there altogether. Master Da’s magical and psychic play with everyone and everything that arose to his attention was showing me a new way to live. Although at the time I did not consider our life to be unusual, I remember I always felt excited, as if every moment were about to deliver me a big surprise. I could intuit enough about Master Da’s activity to feel that he was often pushing himself beyond ordinary and limited experience. I must confess, however, that although I enjoyed the feeling of excitement, I was a timid and reluctant adventurer, and through my resistance I often tried, as his family had done, to bring the Master to conform to my own conventional vision.

The beach was magical, not in and of itself, but because the Spiritual Master was there. He was a vortex of intense psychic power. He had entered into a process of profound consideration of the elemental environment and human consciousness, and both consciousness and Nature responded.

One of the miraculous signs of this response was a remarkable storm that signalled the end of this period of the Master’s life. Here he describes this event:

In the spring of 1964, just shortly before I left California to find Rudi in New York, around the time of the dream of birth that I describe in The Knee of Listening, I awoke one morning to a very brilliant clear day. I went outside and stood in front of the house on the ledge of a cliff that dropped a hundred feet to the beach. The beach was very wide, a couple of hundred feet or so, and the ocean stretched in a huge expanse as far as I could see.
It was a very isolated area with only a few people in other cabins, and they were generally away at work during the day. On this day no one else was around, so I was alone.

Very powerful psychic events had been occurring during this time. Now, as I stood on the cliff, a storm moved over me from the ocean like a huge shroud, like a great canopy or blanket. It had the feeling of a great shell. It was not a dense mass that included me and the space where I stood, but it rose above me and beyond and became a kind of enclosure, like a huge gray dome of gray shapes of clouds, a perfect sphere. It was not homogeneous, but it was boiling with great masses of clouds.

Then lightning began to move through the dome that was now like a great sahasrar, millions of bolts of lightning shooting in the sky and traveling hundreds of miles in every direction. You cannot imagine what kind of storm it was. It was a transcendental storm, literally the most magnificent thing I have ever seen. I am not kidding when I say there were millions of bolts of lightning. In that great vast dome it was like the millions and millions of lightning’s of the little veins in your brain, the corona radiata. It was the most shocking, incredible drenching of the Earth I have ever seen. And it was enormously loud. The thunder was so loud it shook the ground, and torrents of water blew all over the ocean and the place where I stood on this little precipice overlooking the ocean.

I think it must have been the most powerful storm that ever existed on Earth. Within me all kinds of electric phenomena or Shakti phenomena were occurring. My whole body was shaking with tremendous electric shocks. I do not know how long I stood in the storm; it lasted for perhaps an hour or two and then lifted away and disintegrated. I could have been shocked to death out there.

Master Da later told devotees that the storm had been a sign of transformation occurring in him and of the initiatory teaching function he soon came to serve among men.

With this storm our time on the beach came to an end. The Avadhoot’s preparatory sadhana, or spiritual practice, in the wilderness had served its purpose. God had revealed the Divine Nature of everything that arises, both apparently within and apparently without. The Divine Revelation had confirmed that there existed a Way of Truth and Sources of help alive in the world who could be influential in the unfoldment of Master Da’s Spiritual demonstration.

In a mood of anticipation and excitement, the Master brought the period of the beach to an end and prepared to meet Rudi.

Recently when I had an opportunity to tell the Master that I was beginning to realize the importance of the period of his spiritual development that I had been blessed to witness, he spoke about his Appearance in the world. The following transcript is taken from my handwritten notes:

My life is an example of the spontaneous appearance of the Mahasiddha or the Avadhoot apart from any tradition and without any sign in the circumstances of my birth to suggest such an arising. Such a life represents a breakthrough of higher consciousness and higher functions in the Realm of Nature, a breakthrough of the Divine Transcendental Being.

The quality of my life is that of the “Crazy Wise Man” of the Mahasiddha tradition, one who is neither limited by society or religion or ascetical conventions nor informed by them. There was nothing in my early life to be informed by! In fact, I entered into the process of my life because there was no guide.

Thus, I have always accepted all of the meetings of my life as the influence of the ultimate Divine Being. I learned in the midst of those meetings and then I passed beyond them. I was not limited to Robert or to Rudi, for example. I entered into relationship with them completely, knowing that much was to be gained from them but also knowing I must pass beyond them. Each meeting of my life of spiritual development was a test of my capacity to receive what was given and then to grow beyond it.

From the beginning and at the end there was no teacher in human form in which my Teaching and life are summarized, but I would definitely say that the Guru has existed for me from the beginning, not as an idea, because I had no such idea, but as a directly communicated Influence that has Guided the course of my life. Because I was not born into any esoteric spiritual tradition, I have created my own Teaching out of the same process that created my life. And because I had no traditional name for this Influence, I have given it the name “Da,” which also arose spontaneously. Out of the Avadhootish way of my own life, a new Revelation of the Divine Reality and its Way has been permitted to appear.

The story of my spiritual life must not be considered to have begun with Rudi. Rudi, Muktananda, Nityananda, and Rang Avadhoot9 were also just moments in the ongoing process. Nor should it be considered to have begun at the beginning of the vow in college. The incident that occurred while I was a student at Columbia College was an instance of the development of the processes that had been going on in me since birth. It was a moment in which I became free to explore on the basis of a new maturity. But the process of my life and sadhana originated prior to birth.

I was born on the basis of this impulse to bring the Living Divine Reality into the human plane and to Teach its Realization. Beyond this human plane, God is already Realized in my case. My impulse was to accept the conditions of embodiment and to Realize the Divine in the human plane.
The purpose of my life is through struggle to bring the Divine Reality into life in human form, to communicate Its Argument and Its Way, and to Transmit It directly through the Siddhi of Spiritual Revelation. This process of Transmission is made available to devotees who come directly into my physical company on the basis of the Teaching. Such devotees are then the principal individuals to be granted this Revelation in the course of their practice. But the Spiritual Blessing and Awakening Power are granted universally throughout all space-time and therefore to the entire world and the cosmos.

Once such a vehicle is established in an incarnate process, it is assumed that after death that individual continues to Bless those particularly who take up this Way, through a process that is beyond the conventional idea of Man and the universe.

In the years on the beach, as now, the Master’s way of living with those who came to him was simply to radiate the Happiness of God-Realization. He affirmed only relationship. Through his unwavering love I was consistently turned away from my tendency to contract and assume separation. He always tested me, often reflecting to me what I least wanted to see about myself. My life with him then, as now, was a constant demand to choose relationship, Happiness, Love, and to live with him always whatever the God-given conditions or circumstances of life.

I gratefully thank Master Da for his appearance in my life, for his demonstration of true Freedom, Happiness, and the real Way of life, and for the Grace that he grants to all beings.

Nina quotes Adi Da from this early time – ‘But always the Divine Lord or very God has been my Guru. The Lord is my Guru. 1 am the servant of the Lord. The Form of the Lord is manifested fully in me. I am the living agent of the Mahasiddha, the living Lord, who is always already here, and who does not incarnate. He only sends agents, who, by virtue of perfect non-obstruction, manifest the Mahasiddha, the Lord himself, perfectly. But they point to the Lord as Eternal God, Guru, and very Self. This is my work, and it is only now about to begin. I was born for this. The transforming work is complete.’

(Excerpted from ‘The Avadhoot, the Beach and The Radiant Transcendental Being’, Nina Jones, copyright 2016 ASA)

I read this and then something happened in my heart. It was like I was turned inside out and upside down. A 360 degrees revolution in my being. All seeking relaxed. I realized that the Happiness was this love relationship with my Master, that this was Happiness, the Love, there was no need to seek any other experience.

The Love relationship was already Given, and is always Given. I realized God loved me and I loved God, and I realized that Beloved Adi Da Is God, is that Love. I felt simply completely Happy. I felt Him Communicate this Absolute Love to me Completely, Perfectly, Directly and Personally. There was and is no dilemma.

I walked down the street and it was as though I was reborn, I realized my life was just beginning. I could start all over again from scratch. I remember thinking this is what Jesus’s disciples must have felt like when they dropped their fishing nets and just followed him. I felt completely unburdened, like my life was now a simplicity. Devotion to Him. Following Him. Beloved Adi Da. My Master and Saviour. God in human Form, Here Finally to Awaken all beings to Love-Bliss Consciousness, everyone’s Natural State. Such Unspeakable Grace. I couldn’t and can’t believe my, our, Good Fortune.

I am overwhelmed with joy and gratitude at the Miraculous Appearance of Avatar Adi Da in this realm and in my life. He is a Great Mystery of Boundless, Unconditional Love. I am in love with Him, He saved and saves my life in every way. May all beings, in all times and places, be guided by Him and be Awakened to Eternal Happiness

Teaching extracts/quotes: Copyright 2016 ASA

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