The Goblin and the Cosmic Horse – (London 1985)
Artwork: The Chimera Gazed at all Things with Fear, from Night, 1886 by Odilon Redon
It was sometime in September 1985. I was 24 years old and living with my parents just outside London. On this particular night, I was staying at a friend’s apartment in Earls Court in West London. I had only been a formal student of Adi Da Samraj for a few months. It was an incredible time in my life, a magical time in which Adi Da shattered my atheistic, conventionally knowledgeable, materialistic mindset and stretched my view of reality to include processes, experiences, realms, and beings that I never knew existed. My whole world was being turned on its head. I was falling madly in love with Him, and I could hardly contain my joy and brand new sense of profundity and freedom.
I was very happy and tremendously excited because I had heard that a consignment of books (Avatar Adi Da’s new book, The Dawn Horse Testament) was being shipped to London from California; and on the following day, it would be arriving at The Dawn Horse Bookshop, our centre at the time, just off Oxford Street in London’s West End. I knew that this was a uniquely important book — a gift to all mankind, in which Adi Da reveals the Heart’s Secrets, and I was filled with heart-longing to read it. Adi Da had transformed my life from despair to hope, from doubt to faith, from bitterness to gratitude, and I intuitively knew that this was not just a book but a Spiritual Event, a Miraculous Happening in the Universe; and that the book was a Vehicle for Adi Da’s Spiritual Heart Transmission, filled with His Spiritual Power.
I went to sleep in great anticipation of the following day when I would go to the centre and buy a copy of The Dawn Horse Testament. At some point in the night, I awoke suddenly, gripped by fear. There was a revolting smell of excrement pervading the room that made me feel like vomiting; and, to my horror, a very strange, demonic, wicked and terrifying animal-like being was hovering, seemingly levitating in a yogic sitting posture only eight feet away or so from me, just beyond and just to the right of the foot of the bed.
The entity worldlessly communicated a powerful sense of an evil presence and another dimension, as though it had come from another world. It looked something like a black cat or demon (my friend did not have a cat!), with pointed ears, perhaps two to three feet high. It was black, but glowing with a fluorescent green light. Two hypnotic, magnetic, burning red eyes, like hot coals, stared right at me, with obvious malevolent intent, as though to bore into the inner recesses of my mind and capture and enslave my will.
I was physically awake and not dreaming. I intuitively knew that if I gave my attention to this creature of the night, I would be in serious trouble. I remembered something that Irina Tweedie (a Sufi teacher, who had taken me under her wing before I became a student of Adi Da, and who I still saw occasionally) had said a couple of weeks previously to a room full of her students, when I was present too. She was talking about how one might be visited by entities while on the spiritual path, and that the best form of protection was to say a Mantra.
I thought again: “If I mess with this guy and give it my attention, I am in deep trouble”. So I shut my eyes, turned over on my side and said Adi Da’s Name — “Da, Da, Da” over and over. In the next moment a gigantic, blissful, oceanic, tornado-like Force of energy rushed in and poured through me. I say “me”, but my usual sense of identity was blown apart as I was utterly enveloped and overwhelmed by this cosmic Hurricane and caught up in its magnificent, swirling Current. The Force was rushing upwards, and then it seemed to take on what I can only later describe as the shape of a Supersonic Cosmic Horse. The “Horse” pulled me upwards but I resisted. It pulled three times, and three times I resisted. The closest description I can give is that it felt like a Horse rearing its head three times, wildly and ecstatically, and then triumphantly breaking free of its earthly chains. I felt my “soul body” being lifted out of the bed and out of the physical body and traveling at tremendous speed upwards through space, higher and higher, further and further away from earth.
As I traveled I felt myself expand in size, becoming less and less definable. I also felt more and more blissful, loving, happy and free, relieved of my usual sense of bodily identification, tension and pain, until at some point I felt like what I can only describe as a bodiless, loving intelligence, relieved and unburdened of my usual sense of limitation and confinement — except I noticed that however free and blissful and immense and diffuse I seemed to have become I still felt a subtle sense of separation and limit. I basked in this sense of Immense Peace, Love, Freedom and Space for what seemed like far too short a time!
The feeling of immense blissfulness and love and “coming home to myself” and “discovering who I am when the layers of personality and mind are peeled away” lasted for only a few moments. I felt as though I was looking down on earth from the other side of space and I became aware of my family and loved ones “back on earth”. My heart was suddenly filled with an overwhelming, heartbreaking, sorrowful feeling of attachment to them. I felt, “This is not my time to leave earth yet. I am raw and immature. I have a lot to deal with down there.”
The next thing I knew I had “come to”. I was now aware of myself back in the physical body, in my physical bed. There was no demonic creature anymore and no smell of excrement. My thought at the time was something like: “My Master has blasted the demon away with His Spiritual Powers and wiped him off the face of the planet; thank you Beloved Master!”
A few days later I was at Irina Tweedie’s house again, in a room packed full of maybe thirty people. I spoke with Mrs. Tweedie about my experience of the devil-like goblin creature. I had read, in her book, The Chasm of Fire, a description of one night when she was overrun by gross, demon-like entities and she said that the entities were not “real” but were imaginary manifestations of her “subconscious boiling off”. I asked her if she thought the entity I saw was ”real” or “unreal” — it had seemed far too real! She said that she felt I had seen a “real” entity, a living being, and that when new aspirants step onto the spiritual path, sometimes evil entities appear to frighten them away from spiritual life. She told me I had done the right thing by invoking my Guru and that Love is more Powerful than evil, and that these entities feed on fear but lose their power in the face of love.
After this incident, I discovered in The Dawn Horse Testament Avatar Adi Da’s commentary on the , an ancient Hindu ritual that relates to the image and power of the horse. I came to feel this archetype and His Incarnation of it as the context of this experience. Here is an excerpt: (Avatar Adi Da Samraj, copywrite 2016 ASA)
|I Am The Avataric Divine-Master Of The True (Avataric Divine) Horse-Sacrifice, The Avataric Divine Performer of The Divine Avataric Ashvamedha, The Divinely Self-“Emerging” Person Of My Own Cosmic Submission (To Avatarically Descend To all-and–All. By The Necessary Means of My Own Free Avataric Divine Self-Submission to all-and-All, I Am (Now and Forever Hereafter) Divinely Self-“Emerging” As The True Dawn Horse, The ‘Bright’ Itself (In Divine Person), The Avatarically Self-Giving and All-Giving and To-all-Giving Divine Spiritual Body and Person, The Necessary Divine Gift (Avatarically Self-Given In Person).|
Later I would read in a talk by Avatar Adi Da: (copyright 2016 ASA)
|In its most esoteric form, the Ashvamedha is the Revelation of the Ultimate Divine Being — through the Sacrifice of everything conditional, and through the Most Perfect Realization of That which Transcends the Cosmic domain. My Demonstration of this Ultimate Form of the Ashvamedha was — and is — totally spontaneous. I Did it spontaneously, without any information in mind. Nonetheless, you will see that study of the sacred traditions confirms the truth of what I am Telling you. You have seen the True Ashvamedha Performed in My own Form. The Ultimate Form of the Ashvamedha Transmits not merely Cosmic realization, but Transcendental Divine Self-Realization, through the Sacrifice of all conditional arising.
April 2, 1987
I am overwhelmed with joy and gratitude at the Miraculous Appearance of Avatar Adi Da in this realm and in my life. He is a Great Mystery of Boundless, Unconditional Love. I am in love with Him, He saved and saves my life in every way. May all beings, in all times and places, be guided by Him and be Awakened to Eternal Happiness.