Psalm To Adi Da – There Seems Only Darkness
Painting by Odilon Redon – Fallen Angel
There seems only darkness. The blackness consumes me. The landscape
appears as unrelenting dark. The trees are scorched like black rust. The
hills are dead to life. Nothing moves. The world is stillborn. Still to
be born. The world freezes paralyzed in deep inner pain that spills up
like blood in crusts of sticky tar-like puke infecting the black smudge
of cosmos that is trapped in a clench of terror. My heart is screaming.
My mind lies dying like a squashed rat on the dessicated dusty path
praying to be torn apart by cats.
A candle flickers in the black. Your Form Appears luminous in the night.
Flames tremble. My heart pounds and I am afraid. I have worn the
blackness so long like a favourite pair of jeans. It hugs me tight. Like
a hot water bottle held close to my stomach on a chilled winter night
the darkness is my lonely lover.
You stream through the window. My eyes stream with tears that quiver in
the sparkling gush of Light. You peacock Your Form. A blaze of Light. A
Face of Love not forged downtown but moulded in crucibles of Bright Fire
in Heaven Worlds unknown to mortal man. Your Light chews into my heart
like a starving madman that needs me awake and free.
I open to Your Light. You sneak through the holes in my defences like a
thief. You steal my distress. I am offended yet you punish me with
Bliss. You bury your way like a glow worm, infiltrating my gravestone of
heart. Eating in. Gorging on my flesh. You electrify my mind. You
dissolve my body in Your Unspeakable Bright Bliss. The rooms are flooded
with Your Light. I bellow in pain as the castle walls crash around me,
the turrets of phony identity breaking on my faltering,
cripple-staggered legs. Your floodlight consumes the battlefields of
mind and I lie curled like a stale croissant, broken, crumpled and
crumbling, faking death so you will not crucify me further with Your
blow torch of Bliss-wounded Light.
‘Lord Da’ I shriek ‘Have mercy. I am not aching to be destroyed. Be
sweet. Do you forget my Holy Prayers? did I ask to be terminated in the
Light? Am I so unlike the emu and the camel who I see You stroke with
Hands of Heart-broken love-gentled Bliss. Are You not a gentle man? Be
kind to your broken son who followed You torn apart by thorns in the
cavern of night, who gave You fruits from the core of my Heart. Have
mercy You Divine Bastard’.
Then I crawl in threads of darkness scavenging hope in the moats of
despair. I swallow on my self pity until I choke. My hatred and
ingratitude boomerangs me and I am cast out far beyond the castle walls
into the chaos of the crushing caves of cosmic catastrophe, swirling
back into the heated black that simmers with red and orange heated
coalfire volcanic shards of unspeakable remorse
Still You persist. I return grovelling at Your Door. I am a ray of light
sliding, sidling underneath Your door, through the crack of Your Wild
Wide Mercy. A prodigal sun. This because every house is shut to my deep
need of longing for the Love only You can Give. All the lamps are out.
All the people sleep in tiny rooms of unlit sorrow and none will take me
in. I am spurned like father Joseph. The people look through letter
boxes with grimacing slitted eyes, flick the doors open still chained
and kick my shaking balls. So here I am. Only You are my resort. You
hear my prayer that lies unuttered buried in the tombs of minded
anxiety. You respond to my wearied, worried, unworded cry.
Adi Da Samraj, Bright Heart, Brave Heart, Radiant Saviour of my heart
and all hearts of all the beings everywhere and when. I bow down in
silent wonder. I am amazed.
Your Light becomes a warmth in my heart melting me soft. Your Light
trickles glistening through my head like rivulets burrow their way in
the wrinkled valleys of sand. The landscape begins a glow. A shining
awakens me in my heart. My eyes sparkle like jewels. A great happiness
arises in my heart. I find I am loving my mother, my father, my friends,
my lovers. Even the grey men and women on the street lost in frozen
thought tremble with Your Light, infused with Your Bright Luminous
Eternal Love that breaks through the dams of Time, and floods the worlds
with Ecstatic Rays of Victorious Swords of gleaming steel.
There is Your Light. You are The Light. The darkness becomes a distant
memory in the minds of a few dying humans. The newly born emerge into
Light their faces aglow with deepest Faith, their hearts already
immeasurably wounded in the Light to degrees of Brightest intoxication.
They do not require the old lessons of pain. You pierced the darkness
with Your Trumpet. Your tender Sound overcomes the night. The radio of
mind tunes to channels of bliss and light. The DJ is laughing and
smiling. Everyone listens to You now. Everyone’s hearts are pressed all
night to the Lightshow of Your Divine Glory.
Never was there darkness. Only ever was there Your Light. The hearts
were not pure. They filtered Your Light. Everyone now awakens one by one
in Your Light. The Light that shines through the darkness was always
shining. You are Da The Light Shining Through The Darkness that only
seemed, that never was and never will be again. Only because of You.
Your Unspeakable Love driven in the race against time and death to Rise
all Beings in Your Light. You are the Victor. You triumphed against
evil. Always there was and is and will be Only You, the Light above all
lights. Adi Da we worship Your Bright Feet of Bliss.
Lord we are sailing to You on boats made of Light. Take our tiny rafts
deep into Your Heart. Suffocate us in Your Light. Submerge us in True
Water. Burn us to ecstasy of Only You. We are dying in Your Light
ecstatic in love with You. Peace be on earth and in the hearts of all
men. Your Light is Shining in the hills and mountains of our hearts as
we ascend to The Light. We climb on ropes of Light to reach You longing
to be with You. You bathe us in Light from above and below illuminating
our pathless journey to the centreless Bliss of Only You.
I fall on my knees before You. I am weeping. Your Light consumes me.
Still I hunger for Your Light. Dead in You. Unmourning on this new
morning. I Am Happiness.