‘Holy Shit!’ – A Gathering with Adi Da and His devotees at Samraj Mahal February 1st 1988
February 1st, 1998 devotees are gathered with Adi Da Samraj at Samraj Mahal in the evening beside the ocean. Adi Da is speaking about how the ego murders love:
‘The implications of love are terrible, terrible. And the ego or the egoic disposition, uses every kind of means, to get out of that circumstance, to be desensitized to it, numbed, avoid it, be promiscuous, whatever, you know.’
He admonishes us that we will hate our children, our parents, our intimates or be a ‘casual screw’ (emphasizing the word screw) – any possible device, ‘but sooner or later it’s going to capture you, and that’s the first lesson, when you are caught up in love’ – that’s when we can do spiritual practice if we can find Him He tells us
(Avatar Adi Da Samraj, copyright 2016 ASA)
He looks at us all, surveys the small gathering of devotees with open eyes. His eyes are suffused with bliss, portals of blessing. His gaze is what is described in the spiritual traditions as the ‘Guru’s tortoise gaze’, where the secret is revealed how the Guru feeds His devotees like the mother tortoise feeds her babies through her glance alone, without approaching them, and in her complete attentiveness to them, sustains them, fills them with her compassion and love. Beloved Adi Da Samraj is breaking our hearts with this look. His extreme vulnerability and softness penetrates my hardened heart and makes me soft and easy. I am seeing the revelation of God with my own eyes.
I am moved to respond: ‘Beloved, by Your Grace, I had a moment, for me a profound moment of communion with you. ..I went past the Outshining Brightness (where Adi Da is now buried), it was at night…..suddenly this profund sense of your physical death, when that would occur, came over me.’
Adi Da: ‘Holy Shit!’ And then laughing said ‘Go on!’, then shouting ‘you had a moment, a MOMENT?!…….The moment of loving is an absolute that is perpetuated, and locks you right into Raymond’s problem forever.’ I tell Adi Da that ‘this incredible peace came over me.’ Adi Da responds sweetly: ‘it is bliss, peace if you relinquish yourself, in this communion with Me.’ Then He clarifies that if one holds onto Him in a separative sense and does not relinquish ‘self’ then it is ‘just another circumstance of suffering.’
Very moved I speak again: ‘I felt how you are eternal…I felt this eternal love-relationship.’ He answers firmly and humorously – ‘Yes I Am! That’s what I keep telling you, and that’s what your recognition is supposed to realize.’
(Avatar Adi Da Samraj, copyright 2016 ASA)
The Master is so radiant and beautiful. His eyes are shining with infinite love, spiritual light pours out of His Body. He sits majestic, peaceful, strong and silent. He is unmoved, unmoving. Heart still. I feel the Mystery of His human presence among us, and as we drive back from the gathering on the back of the clattering truck on the bumpy track, chanting mantras of love to our Guru, ecstatic beyond measure, this feeling of Him does not stop but continues in a stream, my heart feeling like a boat carried on a blissful current of love-bliss.
We again pass by the gates to The Outshining Brightness. I feel a signal in my heart, a sudden knowledge, that those few of us who are so blessed to be with Him tonight, in the physical company of the Lord, are witnesses and coins and vehicles and means, like all of his lovers who went before, and all who will come after, for the spiritual heart awakening of all the beings in all the worlds
When Adi Da’s body did pass away on November 27 2008 there was for me the feeling of unimaginable loss, like the centre of the earth had been torn away, like a vast explosion and everything was now dispersed, propelled to the outside of everything, lost forever in infinite space and no way back.
At the same time, like many devotees, each in their own way, I can confess that even just after hearing the news of my Master’s death in this world, and at any and every time I allow myself to feel that wound deeply, and invoke Him in my heart and turn to Him in surrender, then His magnificent Person, His sublime Presence, His mysterious Being, His unspeakable Love, His great Humor, His more than wonderful Play is obvious.
He is not gone
The Sweetness of His Person is felt to be pervading the space. He is alive for all Eternity. He never left us. He can never leave us. ‘I will never withdraw from you’, He said.
He has not. He cannot. He will not.
He Speaks Truth, the Truth.
He is Here
Ruchira Da confesses, our Heart Master speaks, Words of ancient understanding
I was not born.
I cannot die.
I did not begin.
I will not end.
I Am Beyond form, quality, and description.
I Am Consciousness.
I Am Love-Bliss.
I Am smaller than the atom.
I Am larger than the universe.
(Quotation from Ruchira Avatara Gita, copyright 2016 ASA)