That Is It. Do Not Leave
I guess all of us have experienced occasions when we saw something or someone whose beauty or attractiveness or some other special quality or intensity hit us all of a sudden and unexpected.
My first retreat at The Mountain of Attention Sanctuary in late 1980s a few of us were doing some ‘Guru Seva’ at one of the buildings ‘Huge Helper’.
Suddenly and completely unannounced and unexpectedly Adi Da was Standing maybe twenty feet from us, completely on His Own. It seems He had just Walked out of His House and was Walking across the Sanctuary, Solitary. He turned around and Looked at us. The feeling was of complete amazement and blissful shock. The ego mind caught off guard, stumbling and failing to refind its balance. It was as though I had stumbled upon by accident a powerful wild animal like a lion in the wild. I was stopped in my tracks and could only look at Him in awe.
Adi Da looked Free, Wild, Untamed, completely Spontaneous, Unprogrammed by mind. He Gazed at us. He Sliced my mind off with His Look, Severed it. The whole front of my body opened up like He had peeled off my defences, my armour, like an orange peel comes off and falls to the floor. I felt a breeze of Happiness, a massive Shiver of Bliss rush through me.
In 1995 when I was on retreat at Adi Da Samrajashram I was serving in the grounds near His House, moving palm fronds around. I was feeling subjective, disconnected, dislocated from happiness, from peace my mind was suffering. Suddenly I saw Adi Da with His dogs, his basenjis, He had His back turned to me and was stroking them. No human beings around at all, as though He was there just to give me this Vision of Stunning Beauty. It was like stumbling across an oasis in a desert, the Most Sublime Holy Vision, and my heart drank thirstily from His Cup Of Overflowing Love. I gazed at Him, this Beautiful Vision, and my mind was falling away, withering, dying in the Light
Then as He crouched there with His dogs, He slowly and surely twisted His neck and turned His head, just his neck and head, towards me, to face me. He glanced at me, and gazed at me, His eyes ‘Bright’ Filled with a soft, sublime loving intensity, as though this was a special gift, a treasure He had been waiting to give me, this look of Love, this confirmation of my Freedom in God, my birthright of ecstatic Happiness, yet the look was effortless and free and for free, spontaneous, unprogrammed, His Eyes empty with Love-Bliss, and my heart just melted.
I felt His Love very, very strong, how can I say it, overwhelmingly strong and direct and real, His unconditional Love, it was personal and impersonal, it was for me and for everyone and noone but Being Itself, and it broke my heart. He broke my heart. And I felt His Perfect Freedom and I was relieved of thinking. He left my heart broken. It will always be broken. I never want it mended. It can’t be mended. He made me into a wreck forever and I am so grateful. Because of Him, Adi Da, my Guru I know True Happiness. I am unexploitable. This treasure can never be taken away or lost
Another occasion was in 1998. Every day He bathed in His Jacuzzi at Samraj Mahal. We would approach Him from the beach side, and gaze at Him as He sat or stood or floated in His Jacuzzi pool. He looked incredible, completely serene and relaxed. There was no mind, just His Bliss, and this is what He Transmitted to us, effortlessly, Silent, The Beauty of His Form, the Sublime Exquisiteness dissolving any sense of the dilemma in life. This was the pattern of these Darshans (sightings). One day He Broke the pattern and Shocked me into Happiness.
The conch blew, which signaled we should run for Darshan. It was early evening. The Ocean was right next to us. Beloved was sitting at Samraj Mahal, but not in a big Chair. He was sitting on a three legged stool, just Him, no backdrop, no Big Chair, no attendants. He sat upright with His Feet on the ground. He Seemed hardly to be wearing anything, so although He would have been wearing some very thin pants, they were hidden, so He looked naked. He sat completely still like a statue. I felt like I had accidentally come across an Avadhut in the clearing of a forest or on a mountain. He looked Ancient and He looked Infinitely Dead, not a trace of movement, like the most beautiful statue. And yet He Radiated Freedom, Aliveness, Joy, Utter Peace, Complete Stillness, Ecstacy. This Vision is Eternally imprinted in my heart, my mind and in all the cells of my being.
I always loved and love the sound of the conch shell, announcing darshan, and a call to run and drop everything, all cares and anxieties, and to fly to the feet of the Beloved. Whenever I heard or hear that ecstatic blast of a noise, delicious energy moves in my heart and brain, an excitement that is primal and unfettered. When I was a boy for three years running my parents took us on long summer holidays to Tenby in Wales, where we stayed each year in the same house called ‘Down Below’ right on the beach.
Sometimes we would hear a ‘loud boom’ when the lifeboat was called out to help someone/s in distress at sea. I would have a rush of excitement, and would dart to the lifeboat to see the lifeboat launch. That noise signaled to various volunteer lifeboat men in the town to drop everything and run to the boat, to change into their lifeboat gear and get out to sea urgently, lives at stake. I would imagine these men, for example a butcher, stopping slicing the pork and rushing out of his shop, a hairdresser stopping someone’s haircut midway and running out of his barbershop, the priest stopping his sermon short and charging to the lifeboat house. That sense of an emergency, of something important happening, beyond the mundanities of ordinary life, and the devoted human response to that call to action, that gave me an intense thrill up my spine and a swirl of energy in my brain and an opening in my heart, and it still does.
And that is one of the feelings Adi Da Transmits to me, that spiritual excitement, that sense of profundity, focus, concentration, significance and meaning in an otherwise absurd, nonsensical, chaotic, bland, aching desert of a life. So Happy, so Free. And Here Now. Adi Da Said that for Him Darshan (sighting) of His Gurus was so profound and so attractive that He would have run miles as fast as He could just to get a glimpse of His Guru, even if at a football pitch length away.
The distress signal flares from the heart of all mankind. Beloved Adi Da, the Supreme Divine Lover, Moved by Boundless Love, Appears from The Realms of Light, for the sake of His Own, and everyone, all beings in all times and places are His Own
One by one, He transports each suffering heart, across the Ocean of Samsara (the illusory worlds of endless cycle of births and deaths), to safe harbour, the sublimity of the Heart, where Only He dwells
I hear the conch blowing strong, Clear and triumphant above the noisy chatter of the world, the chatter of the mind, signalling all hearts to turn to Him, Calling for His devotees, which is all beings, to run to His Feet, to bask in the Safety and Protectiveness and Sublime Freedom of His Boundless Love.
‘We are Home now, Lord’
That is it.
Do not leave’
(Words from ‘Ishta’, by Adi Da Samraj, copyright 2016 ASA)